Navigating through Life

I was born hard-of-hearing (hoh) and it wasn't until 1st grade that my parents discovered that I needed hearing aids.

 

From the age of 7-15 I wore In-The-Ear (ITE) hearing aids from Siemens and Starkey. Over that time period my hearing was at a constant level and didn't fluctuate much in either direction.

 

High School my hearing really started to spiral downwards. Upon entering my freshman year (9th grade) I had to switch from an ITE to a Behind-The-Ear (BTE) hearing aid because I needed more amplification and power than the previous ones could give me.

 

By the time I got to college my hearing had changed drastically and I needed yet another pair of BTE hearing aids - this was the first time I started with Phonak hearing aids.

 

Because I was use to wearing hearing aids from the age of 7 and on, I didn't really notice much of a change in terms of life up until this point.

 

My left ear use to be the stronger of the two ears and within the past 4 years I have gone completely deaf in the left ear and my right is now more powerful.

 

This was something totally new, not being able to hear in my left ear! It was a shock to talk to my ENT doctor and to hear him tell me that the time to get a Cochlear Implant (CI) was right around the corner! He had been discussing with me off and on about CI for the past I don't know how many years about CI.

 

I don't qualify for a CI as of January 2009, however it's not the end of the world either.

I remember my former audiologist explaining to mom about how my former hearing aids weren't working for me - although they did work, just not the right power level for me. She described my hearing to her like this:

 

Someone has two buckets - one with nails and the other one with ping pong balls. They shake it and you and I (talking to my mom) can hear the sound and which bucket has the nails and which one has the ping pong balls in it. Meredith can no longer tell which bucket holds which item or even what direction the sound is coming from. To her the sound is dull, not specific for either your or I. She cannot tell when cars are driving in a parking lot (this is true), and that is why even with hearing aids she is still turning up the sound on the TV, refuses to talk on the phone.

 

All of this is very true, and at first made everything very scary. I can no longer hear people "sneaking" up behind me, talking to me on the left side, cross a parking lot and feel safe. There are certain people that I can hear on the phone (mainly any male voice). I can no longer hear the dishwasher running, the doorbell ring, the washer/dryer going...the little bells and whistles around the house.

 

I hate being around a crowd of people, and have turned down parties, and gatherings for that reason, I can't understand a word being said at the movies.

 

Last April I got a new hearing aid - specifically for my hearing loss level (profoundly deaf). It is also a Phonak and since getting it I am able to hear some sounds - mom talking to me, the phone ringing (no doorbell yet), and carry on conversations with people. The sounds are still very new to me and I'm constantly asking my mom "what is that noise?". I can hear the rain beating down on the house, hear the wind whipping through the trees, birds singing, someone calling my name, I am able to hear life again! That is the greatest thing in the world.

 

Yes, I still have problems with crossing a parking lot or a busy street, talking on the phone (I have to put them on speakerphone), and now I'm able to pronounce certain sounds "S, SH, CH, J, K, L" without my words slurring or what a friend told me "deaf talk". I am slowly getting to the point of being able to say my last name.

I am living proof that life is difficult with a hearing loss, but by accepting it and making others aware of your limitations with sounds and voices you are helping others to accept hearing loss too.

It's not easy, no journey in life is easy. But I'm now starting to get my life back. I am not ashamed or embarrassed that I am 31 and wear hearing aids! I'm proud of it. Why, because I am me, I am who I am - my life goes beyond my hearing loss, beyond my dwarfism, beyond my migraines. All these things are part of me, they don't define me as a person!

 

Meredith

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