Oh, That's Just The Way She Is

I have been writing and thinking a lot about hearing loss issues. It has got me thinking about myself and my past. I am beginning to dredge up some painful memories. Some of them attributed to my hearing loss. And it is funny how at the time I did not associate the problems to my hearing loss (of course partly has to do with my personality at the time). I never gave it much thought. Now I find myself thinking, "Oh, that's why I did that!" or "Oh, no wonder I behaved that way." It would have been so much easier if I had paid a little more attention to my hearing loss and learned ways to deal with it.

One of those painful memories: During high school, I was sitting in the library reading and some of my classmates walked by. They sat down at another table across from me. I looked up and noticed one them was sort of waving and looking towards my direction. I thought he was waving at someone else so I looked down and did not wave back. Why would he be waving at me? We barely speak to one another. Then I looked back up towards to them. They were quietly talking, the girl glancing towards me. I read her lips and heard her quietly say, "Oh, that's just the way she is." I quickly looked down back at my book. I was mortified. I wanted to stand up and yell, "I did not know you were waving at me! I'm sorry! I am not a mean person, I like people!" But, I did not say anything and I silently cried inside. As usual, I pushed this incident aside and I never thought about it until now.

I realize that perhaps because of the way I socialized and did not help others be more aware of my hearing loss, I was perceived as a snobby and cold person. The comment, "Oh, that's just the way she is," says a lot.